


Hopeless

by radxvictoriam



Series: Now or Never [4]
Category: Fallout 3, Fallout 4
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Brotherhood of Steel - Freeform, Capital Wasteland, Depression, Established Relationship, Mental Health problems, The Commonwealth, Warning: mentions of suicidal tendencies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2019-10-16 04:53:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17543039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radxvictoriam/pseuds/radxvictoriam
Summary: With the Institute gone, Uri Sanchez is left feeling like a spare part in the Brotherhood’s ranks. She thought defeating the faction that killed her family would bring peace, but she is left with nothing but self-hatred and a dependency on someone who may be better off without her.Luckily, things start to take a turn when the Brotherhood decide to investigate a strange emergency broadcast leading them elsewhere...





	1. Without Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hope hopeless changes over time” ~ Halsey

The last days of winter are slipping away, much to the relief of Diamond City’s citizens. Whilst Myrna continues to stoke her store’s trashcan fire and Solomon fusses with a moth-eaten scarf, Uri feels content with nothing more than her jacket and a wool hat to keep warm.

The vault suit obviously helps.

Aside from Takahashi, no one else has set up shop. Not that the day ahead will be particularly busy. It’s still a little too brisk to bother scavenging. Most of the residents are just trying to survive to spring. It’s typical really. The Brotherhood succeed in getting rid of the synths, but at the expense of what seems to have been a mini nuclear winter. Uri can’t say for certain that the Institute’s destruction caused this, but she has become awfully good at blaming herself for anything and everything as of late.

 _You need to get off the Prydwen,_ chided Cade. _Get out and see the Commonwealth. Not as a battleground, but as a community with the opportunity to thrive._

Uri wants to give Cade the benefit of the doubt and say he had forgot that she is a pre-war relic. _How_ is she supposed to do what he said? When she closes her eyes all she can see is a baseball field with stands full of excited, lively fans. When she opens them, she’s surrounded by drab buildings built by refugees just hoping to live another day. It’s the same for most places throughout the Commonwealth. _Boston_.

Moments like this make her crave the respite of DC. Not Diamond City - Washington. The Brotherhood’s plans to return are well underway. Arthur seems excited about it, too, which makes Uri happy… But she still can’t help but feel like she doesn’t deserve it.

“Careful,” calls a gravelly voice. “Sit thinking much longer and we’ll have rain clouds hanging over us.”

Uri cocks a half-smile at the reference and spins in her chair just in time to catch Nick taking the spot next to her. He shows her a hand of caps and gestures to the vendor. “What can I get you?”

“Ah, I’m not all that hungry.”

“I don’t care. You look like you haven’t eaten in days and, I may be an old rustbucket, but I know cold weather when I see it. Be good to get some warmth in you.”

“Nan-ni shimasho-ka?”

Nick says yes before Uri can refuse again.

“So, what brought you down from the ivory tower?”

“Hah,” she snorts. “Not the words I’d use… uh, things aren’t going so well for me right now. For the Brotherhood in general, actually.”

“I can keep a secret. Besides, they’d kill me whether I knew too much or not.”

Uri chooses to ignore that. “Elder Maxson was injured in the fight, so he had to have time off. You heard of Proctor Ingram?”

“Can’t say I have.”

“Well, she’s pretty badass. She had to take over army command stuff whilst Arthur recovered but… well… she’s sort of been doing a better job than he was, which has caused some doubt. I dunno if you know much about the Maxson family line, but they’re basically royalty in the Brotherhood. To have people so much as whispering doubts is bad.”

“How’s the Elder taking that?”

“That’s the thing - he’s not. He’s acting like none of it is happening. He’s said nothing to me about it, but he’ll happily let his second-in-command throw out warnings and threatening speeches.”

“I get the feeling that isn’t all that’s bothering you, Uri.”

His pointed look suddenly has her flushing. Damnit.

“I’m not allowed out in the field. Doctor’s orders.”

“I agree with your doctor. You definitely need a break.”

“Except not being out there means all I do is sit and _think_ , Nick. The stuff I’ve done. The people I’ve let down - the people I’ve killed. MacCready is dead because of me. Arthur is losing his reputation because of me—”

“The Commonwealth can sleep at night not worrying about being kidnapped because of you. They know their loved ones won’t be replaced because of you. The Brotherhood has spared synths because of you—”

“Please, not you too. Don’t paint me as a hero, Nick. I’m not.”

“Then stop painting yourself as the bad guy, kid. The Commonwealth isn’t Boston. It’s not all as clear cut as it was back then. You are doing the best you can with what you got. If it’s any consolation, I’m proud of ya.”

Uri knows that Nick is right, but that doesn’t mean that she has to listen.

“Thanks,” she murmurs, hoping he takes the hint that this particular conversation is over.

—

It’s late when the bus docks on the Prydwen’s catwalk - the skeleton crew are carrying out nightly duties, so Uri gets to pass by with next to no conversation.

She misses direction. It’s so much easier to get by when she has distractions. Arthur is in his quarters when she walks in. A bowl of tato soup is sat on the dining table, but he is typing away on his terminal - so lost to his work that he doesn’t notice she’s there until she lets out a sigh.

“Evening,” he turns his chair to face her fully, then gestures to the table, “Dinner is cold, but there.”

“I’m not all that hungry—”

“You say that every night, but you need to eat.”

“You and Nick have a talk or something?” She grumbles, more to herself than anyone else. Arthur elects to ignore her by turning back to the terminal.

He’s driving her crazy at the minute. Ever since the fusion core fiasco he has been so _distant_ , but in a way she can’t quite place. He barely speaks to her during the day, but when he does it’s in an all-to-caring and gentle way that makes her want to break his nose. Especially when it’s in front of anyone who may be keeping a sharp eye on his ‘mental capacity.’ At night he’ll just… hold her. It helps her feel more grounded, but Uri has a strong suspicion that he isn’t doing it for her.

It’s when he sets down a bottle of whisky that she feels it click into place.

That bottle had been full this morning. Now only the dregs remain.

“You want to slow down a little there?” He throws her a confused look, so she flicks her eyes to the bottle. “That was brand new before I left.”

“It’s only whiskey, Uri. Don’t worry yourself.”

“Whiskey isn’t ‘only’ and it never was.”

“I spoke to the Proctors today,” he stands and heads towards their nuka cola collection, ignoring her concerns. “We discussed more plans for the move back to the Citadel.”

His eyes are glued to her face - hunting for a reaction. Uri takes the opportunity to begin eating her soup, hoping her poker face works.

“You have said nothing about the move since we started talking about it.”

Of course. Her poker face _never_ works.

“What is there to say?” She sighs. “I know that’s where the Brotherhood’s based. I always knew it’d be where everyone wanted to go when the Institute had been dealt with.”

“But you’re not happy.”

He’s moved closer. Set down a bottle of Nuka Cherry by her bowl. Uri peers up at him through her lashes and almost winces at the concern in his gaze. She wonders if he knows how damn expressive those eyes are. Upsetting him feels like kicking a puppy sometimes.

“It’s not that. I’d love to get the hell out of here, to be honest.”

“Then why do I get the impression that there’s a ‘but’ following that statement?” He reaches up to tuck loose hairs behind her ear, and it _really_ doesn’t help prevent the build up of tangled emotion in her throat.

“Because I can’t… I shouldn’t… I’ve done too much. I have no right.”

“No right?” His brow furrows, so she tosses her spoon aside and stands.

“We can’t talk about this now, Arthur. I’m tired, you’re tired and I need a shower.”

“I want to understand,” he argues and, damnit, if that wasn’t the thing her anxieties needed to hear. She turns back, rocking on the balls of her feet. Before she can bolt her mouth seems to decide for her.

“I caused so much damage. I hurt everyone around me. Everyone I’ve cared about before is dead or struggling to survive, and I can never do anything to stop it. I’m pretty sure this cold weather was because of the explosion. A good chunk of my home has been _nuked_ because of me and I just don’t understand how I could have any right to run away from everything I’ve done. I can’t go, okay? I’ve done too much.”

She wants to hide the fact she’s crying because she has no right to self pity, either, but Arthur pulls her into his arms before she can lock herself in the bathroom. Guilt chews at her for finding solace, but right now being held is what her entire being craves most. Her sobs echo through the small room, so loud and rough that they threaten to break the stronghold he’s got her in against his chest. God damnit, she doesn’t deserve to cry. She’s still alive. So fucking weak.

“You’re being extremely hard on yourself,” Arthur murmurs into her hair. “You will drive yourself insane if you focus on all the bad, Uri. You have done so much good, too. As someone in command, I understand getting stuck in all the mistakes - real and perceived - but you _have_ to remember the positives, too.”

“I just don’t see any,” she sniffs.

“That’s because you’re looking at everything from a pre-war perspective. I may not have seen the old world, but from what you have told me it sounds as though codes of ethics were much kinder than ‘kill or be killed.’” Uri tenses in his arms, and he nods. “Exactly. This is not me asking you to give up your past, but at least try to move away from some of those older outlooks. As far as wastelanders go, you have achieved some near-impossible and entirely incredible things.”

“I hate that damn pedestal, though.”

“Screw pedestals. I’m not standing here telling you you’ve saved the universe - but you have assisted in saving the East coast of America, and I like to think that’s a good start.”

She laughs now. He pushes her back slightly so he can see the way it lights up her eyes.

“I love you, Uri Sanchez. I need you to know that. You are _not_ the things you’ve done. You’re a confident, foul-mouthed, passionate, compassionate, brave woman. You haven’t the slightest idea how lucky I am to have found you.”

“Damn you,” she’s watery-eyed as opposed to full-blown meltdown, so pulling him into a kiss is entirely justified. It’s slow and soft, so well-practiced and in sync that she honestly can’t remember what it is like to enjoy anyone other than him. She draws back first and, when she opens her eyes, he still has his closed as though he is savouring the feeling. It makes her insides feel fuzzy.

“I love you too,” she breathes, watching as he opens his eyes. “I’d follow you anywhere. Don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m way too selfish to let you leave here without me.”

“So you’ll come with us?”

“Yes,” she presses her forehead to his chest so he doesn’t have to see her grimace. The guilt is bruising, but she knows she would never be strong enough to let Arthur go.

He’s all she has left.

—

Therapy with Cade goes as well as expected. That is to say: Uri delves into nothing and he is left wanting to shake her until she sees sense. Nevermind. He will just have to get used to it, because she sure as hell doesn't deserve to 'move on from the past and focus on the present.’ Besides, her present is horrible. She is now sat amongst various Paladins who seem to care more about ego than actual progress.

“Paladin Sanchez, with me.”

The others look as surprised as she feels. Kells has been too busy to pay much attention to the soldiers in _forever_ \- aside from his menacing speech about respecting the Elder.

She follows him without complaint.

He leads her to the storage space by the cockpit. If he were anyone else, Uri would crack a joke about him having to be secretly plotting her murder to take her so out of the way… but any thought of that is knocked aside when he slams the door closed and turns on her.

“Are you truly so selfish as to come back to the Capital Wasteland with us?”

“ _Excuse me_?”

“Excuse me, _sir_.”

“Screw that! You don’t get to drag me out of the way, make me feel unwelcome even though I’m a goddamn _Paladin_ , then expect me to treat you like an officer! Who the hell do you think you are!?”

To hell with it if she agrees, only she has the right to judge herself.

“Do you not see what you have done to Arthur? The doubt the soldiers are beginning to have,” the way he pinches the bridge of his nose has Uri feeling like a headache. “I have full confidence in his leadership, but you are nothing but a distraction. I thought you may have seen sense after the doubts became gossip, but evidently I was wrong.”

“Fuck you, Kells. _You’re_ the one being selfish. You couldn’t give less of a crap about Arthur - you’re too damn busy eyeing up the next place you can ‘save’ to consider that _maybe_ everything Arthur has been through since you brought him out East has been fucking _hard_ on him!”

“You don’t know the first thing about the Brotherhood. You only joined us to get to the Institute, so don’t try to play games with me. You may have Arthur fooled, but I see you for what you truly are.”

“Oh, _really_?” She doesn’t know where her courage has come from, but she has squared up to him as much as her small frame will allow. “Want to let me know what that is?”

“Desperate. A pathetic pre-war child who has survived out of pure luck. You would be dead without us.”

“You think I don’t _fucking_ know that?” Her laugh is manic. “I’d be dead without a lot of people out here, but Arthur would’ve probably died out there without me. The Institute would still be a threat without me.”

“You would have been useless alone.”

“Maybe, but so would the Brotherhood. Face it, Kells - I’ve done more for the Brotherhood’s success in the Commonwealth than anyone else on this stupid ship, so you might wanna show me a little _respect_.”

He can’t argue with that. Hell, he practically said it himself as they blew the place up. He’s just stressed, angry, and looking for someone to blame. If Uri wasn’t so enraged she’d be more understanding. Something in him deflates, so she gives him a minute to re-collect himself.

“If you come with us, you need to learn to live by our rules. The Citadel is not the Prydwen. There are brothers and sisters there who would stop at nothing to get rid of you if they deemed you a threat.”

“So this little chat is you giving me a helping hand?”

“No. If it were up to me you would remain here, but you're right. You're a Paladin with a lot under your belt - especially considering how little time you have spent in the Order. Surely you understand my concerns, though? Arthur cannot go back to the Citadel and behave as he has here. He will have his status revoked. The Brotherhood is yet to mend the cracks of the Outcast outbreak. In fear of sounding patronising, you both have to learn to be more political in your approach to your relationship. If Arthur is removed as Elder the Brotherhood would be at risk. It's something we cannot afford to have happen again.”

Uri wants to tell him to stick his politics up his ass but, truth be told, she knows he's right. It's not like Arthur would leave the Brotherhood. She'd never consider asking him to. It's his world - he lives and breathes that damned codex, and he’s worked hard to get to the position he's in.

The least she could do is help him keep his reputation in place.

“Fine, alright? I hear you. I'm willing to change if I need to-- just. Just be patient. It'll take some time is all.”

The Captain looks as though she hit him over the head with a blunt object - but he soon shakes himself free of it.

“Excellent. Then it's settled. You will come with us and aspire to embody the Brotherhood's values.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever. Can I go now?”

He nods. It's brisk - as though he wants to say more - but Uri is out the door before he can stop her.

She finds Del in the rec zone with a handful of scribes, who he dismisses when he sees the look on her face. For a minute she thinks he might ask her to talk about her feelings or something - but then he pulls out a pack of filthy playing cards and flashes her a grin.

“Wanna learn caravan?”

Hours later, Uri still has no idea how the game works. On the bright side; she isn’t considering throwing herself off the Prydwen anymore.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was enjoyable, just felt the scene needed to be set a little. I am so excited for where this fic is going, hoping that means my updates will be much more frequent!


	2. The Citadel

With a coffee in hand, Uri sits with her legs hanging from the catwalk of the vertibird dock. The sight she is met with is something she never thought she would live to see - before the war. 

If she thought Boston was bad… well, this is worse. 

Much worse. 

It's hardly a surprise considering it's the capital, but the sheer extent of the damage that has been done to Washington, DC takes her breath away. 

The dust is the first thing she picks up on. It's everywhere - topping collapsed buildings and clouding the air. Even all the way up here. Not enough to block her view, but enough to add a gritty texture to everything around them.

Next is the lack of intact structures. Sure, the Commonwealth had its share of ruins - but Uri can spot about five standing building in a sea of… Shit, hundreds maybe? DC is nothing like the futuristic Boston. Everything here had strong historical significance. They maintained it as a land of cold colours, and that has only added to its bleakness now. Various Bostonian buildings were coloured. Reds. Blues. Greens. Here, they are grey or white.

That's when she notices the Pentagon. It looks to be a five minute flight from the Prydwen's current base, and it's one of the few buildings that seems to have had some kind of upkeep. It’s just as big as she had imagined it to be. A formidable fortress against the backdrop of old world destruction. She wonders what secrets the Brotherhood uncovered here. She’s certain Arthur told her that this is where they found Liberty Prime, so this place has to be any technophile’s wet dream.

“There you are!” Del booms. Uri turns to offer him a quick wave, then offers the same to Alice. She's hot on his tail; whole face beaming with excitement.

“Home sweet home!” She cheers, dropping to sit on Uri's right side. “Got some cola - want some?”

“Sure,” she smiles, hoping it reaches her eyes. Del settles down to her left; patting her shoulder in a comforting sort of way as he, too, stares at the wasteland below.

“I know it looks bad but, trust me, it sure beats my home.”

“I always wanted to go to Vegas, y'know?” Uri's smile rings true, now. “It had everything I could ever have wanted. Casinos, alcohol, sex, dancefloors…”

“It still has that now, just on a smaller scale - or so I imagine.”

“Hey, the Capital Wasteland is cool too!” Alice looks put out. “We have the Citadel, purified water on tap, a bunch of cool pre-war ruins - I even passed an alien spaceship one time.”

“Wait - for real?”

“Yeah, right!” Del snorts.

“I'm not lying - I was on a training mission with the Sentinel. He told me that they'd abducted him!”

“And you believed him? Williams once told me he found a vault full of clones that'd run around screaming 'Gary.’”

“You believe that I was stuck in cryo, but not that Vault Tec had a cloning vault?” Uri's raised brow has him pausing for a moment.

“I've seen some weird shit, but you'll get it when you meet him. He's like some kinda… pre-war poster boy selling the American Dream. Talks as though he single-handedly kept the Brotherhood from breaking apart.”

“He did help Elder Maxson reunite the Outcasts.”

“You're only defending him 'cause he looks good!” Del rolls his eyes.

“I am not! He is an amazing soldier,” Alice huffs. “You're just--”

“Guys, I'll make up my own mind - tell me about the other people I should know about before we dock.”

“Sure,” Nods Alice. “You've not met any Head Scribes, yet. They're in charge of the Proctors. There's Head Scribe Fairbeck, for the order of the swords. Head Scribe Thomas is in charge of the order of the shield, and Head Scribe Feather is in charge of order of the quill."

"There's the Senior Scribes, too. Other than Neriah, who you've already met." Del interjects. "Richards and Goulding. They're boring, but what else would you expect from a scribe--"

"Hey!" Alice jabs an elbow into his ribs, but Del just grins.

"I did help Neriah make that X-111 compound. That should put me in some good books with the quills at least, right? Not to mention taking down the Institute and all…" Uri is speaking to herself more than the others, so it startles her when Del barks out a laugh.

"You nervous or something? You're a damn hero, Sanchez. You rival Williams with what you've done, and he's the damn Sentinel. I know there's the whole… you know… people looking at the Elder a little different, but that isn't on you."

"Of course it is," Uri rolls her eyes, "I need to make a good impression. You know as well as I do that my shit won't slide here," the paladin doesn't miss the way Alice's eyes slip to the land below. She knows she's right. "Kells told me to be on my best behaviour… as much as I don't like it, I don't want to be the one who gets blamed for the Outcasts turning their backs on the Brotherhood again."

"Elder Maxson is the best leader we have ever had in the East," Alice holds her head high as pride saturates her speech. "Those questioning him are too quick to forget everything he has done for us. We would be in ruins without his guidance. He is the greatest Elder we could have ever hoped for, and I have faith in his ability to remind them that he is in the exact position we need him to be in."

"Won't catch me arguing," Del nods. "Elder Maxson puts you and Williams to shame, Sanchez. No offense, of course."

"Don't let him hear you say that," despite her concerns, she lets herself smirk. "I'd never hear the end of it."

Del goes to reply, but the nearby speaker crackles to life - barking orders to get into designated positions so that they may proceed with departures. Uri's thoughts stoke her frayed nerves into flames as she takes her place with the other paladins. God, she wishes she could fly down there with Arthur… cling to his hand like some scared child or something. Sadly it wouldn't help them convince the Brotherhood to cease their complaints, so she balls her hands into fists around the handles of her duffle bags.

"Can't believe you actually came," Paladin Stevens scoffs. Uri grinds her teeth - unwilling to give the older woman a response. She doesn't say anything else after that, but Uri swears that she tries to trip her up on purpose as she's climbing into the vertibird. That could have sent her tumbling to her death but still; don't give that bitch what she wants.

Uri quickly pushes her anger aside as their vertibird reaches the Citadel, landing on a circular pad in the centre of its courtyard. The first thing she notices are the five Brotherhood flags standing proudly at each corner of the Pentagon. It's so nostalgic of pre-war America's national pride; Uri would laugh had she noticed it under other circumstances. 

There are three different training sections laid out for the troops. She can't make out which is what from where she stands, but she assumes they're dedicated to the three techniques she trained in herself - hand-to-hand, firearms and melee. It doesn't surprise her that the place is clean. Unlike the rest of the wastes, there's not an aged newspaper in sight to litter the fortress' ground. Her eyes stop wandering after that, for she catches sight of Arthur. He is surrounded by a group dressed in the same, black suit to match his own. Officer attire. These must be the other, high ranking officers of the Brotherhood.

"Welcome, Paladins," an unfamiliar man salutes them, dressed in combat green. "Please follow me - I shall escort you to your quarters."

"No need for that," Stevens guffaws. "We may have been gone for some time, but I definitely remember the way."

"The Citadel has undergone further reconstruction since your departure. As a result, we have moved the Paladin quarters to one of the lower levels. It is my duty to escort you there - as directed by Sentinel Williams."

Something in Stevens expression changes. Uri assumes it's down to her high regard for their Sentinel, for she nods and gestures for the stranger to lead the way. With a pang, Uri's eyes return to Arthur-- but Kells' warning has her swallowing the lump in her throat and continuing on with the others of her rank.

Their quarters are two storeys down from the surface, and are as drab as you would expect a military bunk to be. Unlike their quarters on the Prydwen, they have curtains that partition their beds off from the others… They have been created from curtains taken from an old hospital - Uri is sure. It does nothing to improve her sour mood.

She wonders what Arthur's quarters look like, and if she will even be allowed entry.

As the others begin to joke around her, Uri beelines for a bed between two that look to be inhabited by Paladins who have remained at the Citadel. She unpacks her things wordlessly. Her deathclaw jacket, her family locket and the broken, vault 81 Pip-Boy she was "gifted" (they let her take because they couldn't get it working) are buried at the bottom of her chest for safe keeping. Then, she unpacks her flight suits… though, judging by the outfits the other Paladins are changing into, it seems that her uniforms are only for the Prydwen. 

Great.

"You look a little lost."

She turns to the voice, hackles raised on the defensive… but the brown eyes she meets are sympathetic, and the blonde woman before her wears a sad smile.

"I joined in the Commonwealth, so this is all a little…"

"Terrifying?" The woman whispers, eyeing the soldiers around them. She need not have bothered. No one is paying any attention.

"Yeah. That."

"You look to be my size. Here," she heads over to the bunk next to hers, and returns with one of the more unfamiliar suits. "Put this on. You don't want to let an Officer catch you wearing the wrong uniform - trust me."

She wore all variants of the flight suit on the Prydwen, but Uri knows that's only because Arthur had requested them… and look where that got him.

"What's your name, anyway?"

"Sanchez" Uri holds out her hand, and the Paladin's gaze falls to her Pip-Boy.

"A vaultie, huh?" She accepts the hand shake, "Last time a vaultie joined the Brotherhood, the Enclave was destroyed and clean water was brought to the Capital. Good to have you on board."

Uri feels pride where guilt once consumed her. She suddenly feels the urge to brag to this stranger - tell her that she destroyed the Institute. Laid the Commonwealth's boogeyman in ruin.

The guilt quickly returns.

"Thanks. Happy to be here. I guess you're a Paladin, too?"

"As of five days ago," the woman beams proudly. "Paladin Thomas."

"Nice to meet you."

As Uri changes, she notices Thomas eyeing the others. Some of them have left to explore, others were heading to the mess hall. A handful have stayed behind. Those paladins have crowded around Stevens' bunk for a game of poker. Uri can see that Thomas feels out of place asking why they are ignoring her, so Uri decides to put her out of her misery.

"They don't like me much. They blame me for… for questions around Maxson's leadership."

"Questioning the Elder?" Thomas' brows shoot up. "What are you talking about?"

It hits Uri that the Capital's Brotherhood members know nothing about the issues plaguing the Prydwen since the Institute's demise. The realisation does nothing to help her anxiety - but she can't say something that inflammatory without explaining herself.

"Is there anywhere a little more private?"

With a quick glance at the others, Thomas gestures for Uri to follow. They end up on one of the higher levels that is yet to undergo repairs. There, as Thomas enjoys a cigarette and hands Uri a beer, she tells her about how she came to join the Brotherhood… and about her relationship with their Elder.

That's how Thomas comes to introduce herself as Elena, and how she transforms from a kindly paladin to a girl of her twenty-four years.

"Wow!" She laughs, then steals the last dregs of Uri's drink. "Paladin Sanchez, no wonder they hate you."

"Hey! I saved their asses. Don't defend them!"

"C'mon, you know he's gorgeous - right? Most of them are just jealous he chose you."

"Fuck off," Uri rolls her eyes. 

"I'm serious. You know he's royalty, right? There's expectations around him. He needs to marry and have kids, and most of the women here would do anything to--"

"Whoa, whoa - slow down!" Uri holds up her hands, "let's just… slow down. I'm definitely not looking for a wedding or kids right now, so you can count me the hell out of any sort of weird competition you Brotherhood gals have set up. He may be royalty to you, but he isn't to me."

Elena's eyes soften through her speech, and she's smiling by the time Uri has tired herself out of yelling.

"Huh. I guess that's why he likes you… Maybe he isn't as into playing King as we thought."

That's when Uri truly realises why many in the Brotherhood don't approve of their relationship. By choosing her, Arthur has basically given protocol the middle finger. By choosing to enter a relationship with an outsider - one who will argue with him in hallways, disregard orders and stick herself in the spotlight - he has defied what is expected of him.

"I guess they wanted him to choose some pretty little Knight to settle down with. Marry within a week, fall pregnant within a month?" Thomas nods at Uri's words, at which she snorts. "They're not getting that from me."

"That's probably why he's not introducing you to the High Elder, right now."

"The what?"

"They're due to contact the West Coast. It's Elder Maxson's job to report on what happened in the Commonwealth. My bet is, if you were who they wanted him to be with, you'd be in that room under his arm right about now."

"Screw what they expect of him. He's too damn busy to be having kids, anyway."

"More reason to have them. In case you hadn't noticed, the life span of a wastelander isn't typically long - especially when they're throwing themselves into the heart of battles. Elder Maxson has never been one to sit on the sidelines…"

The sight of Arthur, injured by that damn Courser, flashes through her mind. Elena's right. 

"Doesn't matter. We're at the Citadel, now. I doubt this High Elder will authorise anymore combat missions for him anytime soon."

It's on their way back to the mess hall that Duncan MacCready, of all people, catches up to her.

"Paladin Sanchez!" He yells, running down the hallway. Elena raises a brow but says nothing… The disapproving looks from the nearby soldiers have Uri straightening her stance.

"Walk, squire. This is not a playground," she wants to cringe, but remains stoic even when his gaze becomes sheepish. "Is everything okay?"

"E-Elder Maxson wants to speak to you. He asked me to bring you to him."

"I'll get your lunch," Elena whispers quickly.

"Thanks," Uri smiles, feeling immense gratitude that she has at least one paladin that doesn't want to kill her in her sleep. With that, she heads to Duncan's side.

"I'm sorry about that," she says once they're out of earshot. "They're on my back, Dee. I have to put up an act."

It was on the trip to the Capital that Uri finally got to form a relationship with MacCready's son… who, she has come to realise, is nothing like his father. Where Mac was hot-headed, Duncan is always calm. He's as gentle as his father, but a much better person all-around. He hates violence, but knows it's a necessity. He has made his peace with that much faster than he would have if his dad hadn't been killed.

"I understand. I'm sorry. I need to get used to the protocols."

"You'll get there, niño. Don't sweat it."

Eventually, the narrow hallways they weave their way through lead them to a door labelled 'The Solar'. It alleviates some of her worries when one of the two guards opens the doors for her to go in. 

The room she enters is a relaxed meeting room. On the wall to the east stands a table with a coffee machine and an array of mugs, fairly close to a door that she assumes leads to Arthur's bedroom. To the west, there are two couches and a coffee table. On that sits an assortment of whiskeys and scotch alongside four tumblers… one of which is half-full with booze. Uri is about ready to remind him of their deal on his drinking, until he steps through that other doorway looking the most anxious she has ever seen him.

"The Western Chapter are not responding to our comms," he hisses, stalking passed her to down the rest of his drink. It hurts that he walks by without so much as a hug, but Uri knows that now is not the time for that.

"Does anyone know why?"

"I blamed Kells, at first. Accused him of reporting to them about our relationship… I'm damn lucky that no one else was with us. He has never lost his temper with me openly. I can't exactly punish him - I don't blame him. I would have done the same."

"He'll calm down," Uri soothes, taking the glass away before he can contemplate refilling it. She steps forward to cup his face, forcing his eyes to her own. They're crazed with worry, but she keeps up a calm front. "Arthur, they could be busy. Maybe they're in a meeting? You can try again later."

"That's the issue - they always have someone on standby to reply to us. Besides, they were the ones who arranged the time for our call. It can't mean anything good… I don't know what to do, Uri. For the first time since becoming Elder, I have no idea how to proceed."

"There are other chapters, aren't there? Isn't there one in Vegas?"

"We lost comms with them after the NCR chased them out of Helios. We only know that they still exist because of the likes of Delecroix and Thomas."

"Paladin Thomas?" Uri blinks.

"Head Scribe Thomas," Arthur considers her for a moment, "I assume his daughter has received a promotion, then?"

"I think you need an update on what's happening here before you start planning your next move with the West, Elder," Uri's eyes are teasing as she draws away from him. 

"Yes. You're right," he nods, stroking his beard thoughtfully. "I'll send word to them now. I would like it if you joined us?"

Elena's words echo through her mind… Well, if the West are unresponsive then it makes sense that concerns around their view of Uri wouldn't matter when planning meetings. Or, Arthur is just wanting to solidify his decision to be with her despite what they think about it. "Sure thing. I'm gonna eat first, though. You should too."

"Enjoy," is all he says, before planting a kiss on her cheek. "I'll send word before the meeting is due to start."

True to her word, Elena is waiting for her in the dining area with a plate at the ready. Beside her sits Delecroix, and Alice is across from him. Uri lets out a breath she hadn't realise she was holding - her friends are friends. It's reassuring, to say the least, that there is a place for her here.

"Sanchez!" Alice waves wildly for Uri to join them - as though she wasn't going to. With how loud she shouts the entire hall hears her… and it seems gossip has already spread. She can feel the eyes of the others on her as she settles down to eat. 

"Looks like everyone is wanting an eyeful of the next Mrs Maxson," she mutters sardonically. Del snorts.

"Wedding, eh? You didn't strike me as the type."

"I'm not," Uri chuckles, "but leave it with them."

"Surely eventually…?" Alice goes to continue, but Del shoots her a dirty look strong enough to stop her in her tracks. Elena just nudges a half drank Nuka Cola her way.

"Here. To make up for your beer earlier."

"Thanks," she takes a swig, then eyes the trio. "So, you guys are friends?"

"Del and I trained together," Elena nods.

"Looks like she's been kickin' ass more than me, though! You're both Paladins, now. You're putting me to shame, ladies!"

"What did you expect, Del? I warned you about that power armour competition. You doomed yourself to Knighthood for eternity," scolds Alice.

"Ah, c'mon. I only got cleaning duty for a month. Besides, Hargreaves armour wasn't that badly damaged."

"I thought Ingram was actually going to push you off the Prydwen without your armour when she saw what he'd done to it. And how he'd done it."

He turns to Elena. "Would you not jump off the Prydwen to test your armour, Paladin Thomas?"

"Hmmm…" She chews her food, thoughtful for a moment, and shrugs. "Depends how much you were offerin' me."

"Typical," Del rolls his eyes, and Uri chuckles.

"You wouldn't catch me doing it. I saw enough action to last me a lifetime."

"Boring," Del quips, at which Uri sticks out her tongue.

They've moved out to the courtyard - which the others keep referring to as the bailey - when an initiate comes over to take Uri to the meeting. With her heart racing, she bids her friends farewell and follows her through more of the Citadel's narrow halls. 

God, she hopes that she can make a better first impression to these officers than she did with Kells.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologise for how long this took. I have a plan for this fic, but I had to restart writing this chapter so many times I lost count! Hoping things really will be quicker for me here on out...


End file.
